Kinus – Lamentations

We never dreamed or even had nightmares that we would ever be able to write our own Kinus.

Well today, we can honestly say that is a thing of the past. Today we write our own Kinus.  Our Kinus began the night of April 7.  Our “exile” began gradually.  From the first sign that something was wrong until the actual diagnosis was 17 days. Throughout that period we were lead to believe Benny was sick with various different illnesses. Some doctors were dismissive and others believed Benny was in grave danger.  The ups and downs throughout are too painful to describe with words. Once the diagnosis was defined things began to settle in.  There was a plan of action in how to fight this ugly foreign invasion in Benny’s body.  The treatment began. It was time to look forward to Benny’s recovery.  From the first day we were admitted to the hospital we immediately saw and felt an army of support by our side. Family, friends, doctors, nurses all signed up to Team Benny.

As treatment began, Benny responded immediately, due to all of your tefillos’s (prayers) and Zechusim (merits).  Then the bumps in the road began.  The three most painful and frightening episodes throughout our journey was (it should be a thing of the past and I”YH not be faced with anymore tests) :

The first being the initial diagnosis.

The second, while Benny receives chemotherapy he is hooked up to get hydration, IV fluids. Many times this takes place during the night.  Benny cannot sleep in a bed alone so we share one.  It was early Sunday morning, I slept in the hospital alone. Ari was sick with a cold and fever so it wasn’t safe for him to be around. Benny had woken up about 5 am soaking wet. The room was dark, all I could do was feel his pj’s drenched.  I called for nurses to come in and help. As we lifted Benny from the bed to change him, we noticed the bed was soaked as well.  It was not from his diaper though. It was Benny’s blood, everywhere!  The IV line became disconnected from the pump.  Instead of liquids going into his body, they were coming out.  Terrified is an under statement! I immediately begged Hashem to take Benny’s blood as a sacrifice, but not Benny. B”H we weathered thru that storm, although left with nightmares.

The third took place as a result from an infection that took place  in the spot he had an epidural. We had just  received incredible news that cancer was no longer visible on any scans, we were ecstatic.  Within days we were back in the ER with yet another battle for Benny’s life, unrelated to the cancer. It was too much to bare and let Hashem know just that! ENOUGH!!!

B”H Benny finished 5 rounds of chemo. As I am sharing my feelings of Benny’s accomplishments with a nurse this past Shabbos, she begins to tell me the most difficult part is yet to come. I”YH she will be proven wrong and all the doctors and nurses will continue to be amazed at Benny’s strong will and endurance to beat anything that is thrown his way.

As we fast, daven, cry and listen to words of wisdom from our great Rabbi’s throughout this very sad day, I think of another line of speakers that are not heard.

Can you imagine going to hear a line up of the following speakers:

A mother of many children fighting for her life. The pain of her having to leave her children temporarily to go for treatment in a foreign country. Her love and will to live for 120 years to enjoy all the joys a mother and grandmother were meant to experience.

A teenager lying in the hospital talking about her summer plans that didn’t happen.

A mother talking about the pain of seeing her child going thru the pain of treatments. Feeling her child’s hair fall out as he lay next to her in bed at night. Not being able to squeeze his chunky legs because of all the weight he has lost.

I will stop. Yes this is our current exile. We need to get out of it. We need the Refuah the Geula.

We are in the right direction. We have experienced it first hand. The tremendous and endless outpour of Chesed. There is no act too little. No Tefillah unheard.  We all feel each other’s pain.

As I’ve heard from Rebetzin Yemima Mizrachi “the destruction must happen before the construction.”  Let it be that the destruction is a thing of the past and now we should only be Zoche (merit) to live in the times of construction and completion of the third and final Bais Hamikdash (Holy Temple).

This past Shabbos we spent in the hospital.  I have to say, it was an unbelievable experience.  We were privileged to have our Shabbos meals with  Brocha Sara Chaya Bas Ronit Nava Tehilla and her mother and sister. We sang, said Divrei Torah and laughed. My sister Shira joined us and took care of keeping us all entertained with stories and happy thoughts.  In the afternoon we had a Brochos (blessings) party. Provided by Binah J.  (A Brochos party consist of foods in different categories. Each category has it’s own blessing that correspond to the goodness in ones life).  We invited another patient Max and his mother and grandpa to attend. They too were away from their family for Shabbos.  They were hesitant at first to come, but B”H (thank G-D) did. Max was suffering from mouth sores as a result from treatments and hadn’t eaten or drank in days.  As we went around the room saying Brochos on the different foods, Max became more fussy. Just as Max’s mom wanted to leave, I asked her to stay for just one more round -the Brocha of Ha’Adoma (blessing on foods that grows from the ground). This Bracha corresponds to Refuah Shlema (healing). They stayed to answer the Amen’s and recite the Brocha as well (repeating each word as it was said to them).  Then they left and took Max who was clearly in pain back to his room.  As soon as he got to his room he began to eat and drink.  It was a miracle! One that his mother, grandpa and all those at the brochos party will never forget.  I gave her a book “The Power of Just One Word – Amen!” and told her we will have to rewrite the book and add the story about Max.

There are only a few more hours left to the fast. These hours are precious and can bring the Geula speedily in our days.

One thought on “Kinus – Lamentations

  1. Thank you for your amazing words of chizuk. I feel like you are representing all of Klal Yisrael. May Hashem see the love and kindness you are spreading and send Mashiach to redeem us all.

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