I don’t remember how many summer’s ago it was that I took Accounting 101 in college, but one thing I do remember learning is how to balance a check book. Unfortunately, those balancing skills don’t help me today when trying to balance and juggle 6 children’s lives who are now directly effected by this horrible illness. No matter what we decide, it just doesn’t seem to measure up.
Right now, I sit awake trying to decide what is best for our children. Next week we are IY”H going to Philadelphia with Benny for treatment. Unfortunately, the CHLA (children’s hospital of LA) is not equipped for this treatment. The dilemma we face is not the course of treatment B”H, this is part of the treatment plan. What they (dr.’s) don’t tell you is a plan that will work for the kids left behind. Who should they stay with? For how long? Should we take them with us and make arrangements for them back east? Where will they feel most comfortable? Least homesick? As I am writing this update, my 9 year old son is sleeping next to me because he is worried about us leaving him next week. He told me he rather stay home than go to a friend because he will be less homesick. These are the decisions that bring me to tears. We don’t Chas Veshalom (G-D Forbid) want to do something that may cause them additional stress. On the other hand, is taking them going to be more stressful.
We have been very fortunate to be on the receiving end of such generous offers from people asking how they can help out. Offering to watch our kids here for the week, or take them on the plane and bring them out to us later in the week. We feel fortunate to be in the presence of such special people, but at the same time unfortunate to be in the position to have to accept their generosity.
That brings me to the next struggle we battle with. When to say “yes” and “thank you” or when not to accept. When we do say yes it is with the utmost sincere intentions. We are so very grateful for the invites my boys get to play by friends, knowing that their friends can’t play by our house because of germs. Or when a friend will call and ask what she can pick up from the grocery. Or what can she cook for Shabbos, etc. The list is too long and the hour is too late to name them all.
Life was so much simpler when the decisions of the day was what to make for dinner? When should I schedule the kids to go the the dentist? Who can we invite for a Shabbos meal? If it could just be as straightforward as balancing a check book! But as we all know, Hashem brings us challenges and the solutions are not always black and white. It’s not necessarily about solving the problem, but HOW you go about trying to solve it. WHO are going to be the tools to help? IY”H with the new month of Elul approaching, Hashem will be close by, among all of Klal Yisroel and provide us the clarity we need to get thru the equation!