The Tension is Rising!

This past Shabbos, Benny enjoyed the company of his Zaida and Bubbie, and cousins, Miriam Tova, Moshe Eli and their adorable children, Binyomin, Shira and baby Shmuel Tuvia.  The highlight was after the meal Friday night, Benny wanted to dance to Zaida’s Zemiros. He started dancing with Zaida, and fairly quickly he pointed to one person at a time to come in and join the dance circle. It wasn’t before long that he had us all dancing with him in one big circle. A few times, Bubbie tried to sit down out of exhaustion, but Benny wouldn’t have it. He stopped the dancing and waited patiently with his arm stretched out, until Bubbie got, up took his hand and rejoined the circle.  This went on for about 25 minutes!

We couldn’t get over his Simchas Hachaim (love of life). All that he has endured thus far, and yet he is so happy. What a tremendous lesson!  It was a moment filled with lots of emotions. Happiness and appreciation as to  how well he is doing, B”H (Thank G-D), and yet, sadness, because of what he has to go thru in a few days.

As I begin to pack up for the month, I wonder how prepared we really are.  Is there really a way to prepare? We live in Los Angeles, “earthquake country,” occasionally, there is talk of “THE BIG ONE!,” usually after we experienced a smaller one. There are discussions of how to prepare for the big one, but in reality, as much as we prepare, we don’t know the outcome until it hits and we can survey the damage. Let us pray that no matter how “BIG” it is, there is no harm done!

As we approach the most difficult phase in Benny’s treatment, there is worry and fear of the unknown.

Worry – will it be difficult to keep Benny in his room for weeks. The last time he was restricted from leaving his hospital room it was for three days. It felt like 10!  I remember we begged to take him for a ride in his stroller while wearing a mask, but that was not allowed. There is no begging this time that is for sure. We know these restrictions are put in place for the safety of Benny and the other children going thru treatment, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Fear – Will this treatment do more harm than good, Chas Veshalom (G-D Forbid)!. We know this is part of the treatment plan to fight this horrible disease, we just pray that Benny is spared of any complications.

The other fear is my own personal fear of shots. One thing I have to do before we go into the hospital is get a flu shot. I’ve pushed it off for days already. I just don’t know how I am going to do it. It’s crazy!  Here, Benny has gone thru who knows what, and I cannot even get a shot! Just the thought of it makes me lightheaded.

Aside from preparing the physical items to take to the hospital, such as  toys, books, projects and cards to decorate his room,  even more important, is the spiritual preparation.  In previous treatments we asked for extra Kavana (concentration) said on the Bracha of Asher Yatzor and other Brochos (Blessings) as a Zechus for Binyomin Chaim Ben Faigie Sarah. We are requesting the same once again, however, we are trying to collect at least 613 per day for the duration of Benny’s hospital stay.  We will be adding a link on the website to a spread sheet to sign up too.  Feel free to pass the link along to your family and friends in an effort to help in this great Mitzvah of healing Benny.  Thank you all! A special thank you to Rachel and Jonathan Gudema who created this spreadsheet.

Good night!


3 thoughts on “The Tension is Rising!

  1. Dear Faigie and Ari
    I read your emails and I know I can’t really understand what you both struggle with everyday. I sit here in Israel, in Efrat, far removed from your fears. But at the same time you center me. My daughter is struggling to adjust in school here, and I spoke to her about how you wished the tests Benny could take would be in school. When I feel overwhelmed I remind myself I don’t really know what it truly means to be overwhelmed. I daven for Benny every Shabbos when I bench licht, and my daughter has his name for refaenu in school. I daven that you both continue to have the strength you need to take care of your whole family.

  2. Faigee, I pray for you that this phase of treatment turn out to be the least challenging in the end — that it be full of bracha and ease and HEALING. May HaShem see all those who care for you and your precious child and count all that love in the zechus of his HEALING quickly and with as least pain as possible for him and for you and your family.

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