I have one word to describe the he past two days, INSANE.  In fact at 3 am this morning I asked the nurse where the psych floor is in the hospital. She said there wasn’t one!  Probably because they wouldn’t have enough space for all of us. There’s not even a running track or punching bag any where to be found.

This therapy called Imuno Therapy is like no other. B”H we are thankful that these treatments are available, as intense as they are. These treatments IY”H should increase the chance of no reoccurrence, G-D Forbid, by a sizable percentage.  This treatment is generally given over a 10 hour transfusion, with the maximum time of 20 hours. Because of Benny’s reactions and difficulty breathing, the transfusion was extended to 20 hours. It ended at 7 am this morning. Just enough time to give him a rest before starting up again at 10.

That meant another sleepless night; Tyelonal every 4 hours by mouth to treat fevers over 104; breathing treatments every 3 hours; pulse, blood pressure and temperature every hour. Then extra fluids and medications that caused Benny to need multiple diaper and bed sheet changes.  Oh! and did I mention the BEEEEEEEEEEPING!!!!! If only my hand could reach the silence button from the bed every time the machine went off..

B”H, Ari (who unfortunately, had to be out of town for 2 days) is back.   Benny definitely feels the difference when one of us are absent.

As I check my emails here, I am flooded with emails on preparing for Pesach.  IY”H we hope to be home before Shabbos and then we’ll have one week to get ready. Those emails were discussing the spiritual preparation. Benny is undergoing a treatment that effects every nerve, muscle, capillary and vein. A physical comprehensive cleaning of every part of his body, but at the same time, it has a spiritual component connected to it.  The physical is elevated to the spiritual level thru our Tefillos and our good deeds.

The truth is, I am not stressing out this year (so far) about the cleaning process, IY”H it will get done. If you have in mind while you are cleaning your cabinets that OUR Neshamos (souls) are the one’s going thru this cleansing process to get ready for the event we are all waiting for, the Geulah,  it can feel more like Yom Kippur cleansing.  Turn the stress into excitement.

As I watch Benny, unfortunately, in great discomfort all I can do is pray. Pray that the medications are working, pray for no side effects and pray for the clock to turn 10 pm, when this medication will be turned off, IY”H. (There will still be several other medications running thru tomorrow, but,  they are not painful).

Sitting in a hospital room day after day, you lose track of time.  Sometimes I’ll have to glance at the milk carton that comes with Benny’s breakfast to look at the expiration date, and then I’ll at least have a close idea of the date.  It also feels like, we’ve disappeared from everyone and everything.  I’m just  hoping that it won’t be too much longer where I’ll end up seeing our faces on the back of the milk carton (Missing).

I hope to update before Shabbos from the comfort of our home IY”H.

2 thoughts on “INSANE!!!

  1. I hope to hear that you are HOME soon too! What a long haul this has been for all of you. You need a good sleep in your own bed very soon!!

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