“YOU have got to be kidding!”

(written late last night after a long day and previous night. I fell asleep before hitting the publish button, with the laptop on my lap and fingers on the key pad (too bad I am no longer in school, my English teacher would have been so proud).

“YOU have got to be kidding!” Those are the words that Ari and I said to each other last night (Sat. night) on the way to the ER in Children’s Hospital. We actually did not have to say it; the expression on our faces said it all.

We weren’t even home for 28 hours before we had to turn around and go back to the hospital. Benny was enjoying his Shabbos playing outside, running around like any 2 year old would, and then he fell in a funny position and injured his foot.

He couldn’t walk on his foot the remainder of the day. After speaking with his doctor after Shabbos, we were told, to go have it checked out in the ER. We needed to rule out anything more than a sprain Chas Veshalom. It was just way too early to have to go back to the hospital.

Maybe it was Hashem’s way of saying we hadn’t yet said good-bye to the ER department and last night was our chance.

We got to the hospital around 10:30 and home after 1:30 am. Being that Benny is still an oncology patient, we were able to avoid waiting the long “clinic” line, and got in to a room fairly quickly. The waiting process was painful and numb at the same time. Painful, in thinking what if and numb, in knowing that it can’t be! We didn’t know whether the laugh or cry.

Hour’s prior to Benny’s fall, we were standing in Shul reciting Hallel. The Tefillah (prayer) of Shevach, V’Hoda (thanks), literally crying to the beautiful tunes and words of Hallel. (Ari’s Davening added to my emotion). Then after Shul, Ari spoke at the Kiddush giving additional Hakaros Hatov to Hashem and our community and communities around the world for the 100’s of millions of prayers and merits that were done on behalf of our little two year old son(IY”H, he will put his speech in writing for those who were not able to hear it in person). It was an amazing feeling to finally reach the end of treatments in the hospital B”H. We were so happy to share it with all of you.

While waiting in the hospital last night, not knowing the outcome right away, is torture. No matter how much we have gone thru this past year to build our Emunah and Bitachon, the Yetzar Hara still manages to creep in and scare us, once, too many times, if you ask me! Sometimes, I am at a crossroad, do I say “Hashem, enough, I can’t take anymore! or do I say, all is good, perhaps both. “

Last night was clearly evident that although we are thankful for the completion BE”H of the hospital treatments, our Tefillos and Zechusim must, must continue. We still have another month of oral medication at home and then we will have a week of scans before we can receive Benny’s Diploma IY”H.

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