481 Days

481 days ago we were told news that would change our lives forever. 481 days later, we are told news that once again will change our lives forever until 120 IY”H.

The feelings of sheer despair 481 days ago have now turned B”H to sheer relief, excitement, disbelief and happiness.  We are overcome with emotion and have deep gratitude to Hashem Yisboroch (G-D) and all those individuals and groups of individuals, who joined Team Benny to help us arrive at this momentous day Chasdei Hashem.

This is a day of reflection, but more so, a day of hope. Hope for all those battling this disease. As we left the doctor today, I said, Thank You and told him that he should be able to share the same news with all of his patients.

The past few days have been exhausting physically as well as emotionally. Last night we were able to share in a wedding of a close family friend. During the time of the Bedekin (when the groom places the veil on his bride), there was Elimelech ben Basya (the nephew of the bride) dancing and smiling away. It brought tears to my eyes, to the see the joy radiating from his face. If anyone could be as happy as the Choson and Kallah last night, it was Elimelech.  As the Choson and and Kallah walked down the aisle to their Chuppah, I envisioned BInyomin Chaim ben Faigie Sarah, Elimelech ben Basya, Daniel Reuven ben Rikva Kayla , Rafael Yoel Ozer ben Chaya Malka, and Chaya Mushka bas Hadassah Shaina walking down to their Chupah one day IY”H. I envisioned Ruchama Avigayil Mayma Rochel bas Rifka Penina, and Chaya Zissel Elka bas Hadassah Shaina  (and other special mother’s and father’s) walking their children to their Chupah IY”H.  At the same time, I looked around and was surrounded by many single, beautiful young women and had them in mind that they too should find their Bashert (match) very soon IY”H.

Although, Benny has had several fast days, not being able to eat before anesthesia, yesterday, was the longest by far. His first bite to eat was after 3 pm. I didn’t know whether  to consider it a T’sha B’av fast or Yom Kippur fast.   Today, I decided to consider it a Yom Kippur fast. Being that we were on the eve of judgement and today would be the revelation of scans, I decided to dress Benny in white.  White, to symbolize purity, a clean bill of health and a new beginning.   Benny’s white pants didn’t exactly make it to the doctor, he had other ideas and needed to be changed, but he did go in a white shirt.

On the way to the hospital today, we sang with Benny, “Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is truly everywhere, up up, down down…” We had a good feeling . (On the way to the hospital yesterday, we told Benny how much we love him. He then replied, “Do you love Zaida Ben? Do you love Hashem? Does Zaida Ben love Hashem? Our answer was “yes” to all three. Then he began to sing).

After arriving at the hospital a few minutes after 1pm with Benny and Joey, we quickly went to check in at the receptionist desk, as Ari parked the car. While waiting to be called by the nurses to go thru triage (vitals, weight etc), I went to the other side of the clinic floor to ask the nurses if Benny could skip triage, considering we were only there for a consultation and not a doctor appointment.  The nurse then told me that the doctor just ordered a set of labs (which meant blood work) and needed vitals.  That piece of information didn’t sound good to me and the “good feeling” suddenly vanished and was replaced with fear. As I returned to the waiting area, I bumped into our social worker and told her why we were here and conveyed my concerns. She immediately told me she will try and find out the results from this weeks scans, so I didn’t have to wait with fear.  As I waited, Ari arrived in the waiting area.  I kept quiet and didn’t say a word about what just transpired and smiled. Ari then took Benny to the triage area while I sat and waited. Shortly after, the social worker Roz, came back and told me, “good news.. the scans are clean.”  I couldn’t control myself and burst out in tears. Soon after, Ari came back with Benny and once again “good news” spread and more tears were shed. One of many things I learned from my Zaida Ben O”H, is if there is a way to spare unnecessary pain thru worry, then by all means do so!

Once we met with the doctor and the results were officially confirmed we cried again. At that moment we thought of all the Cholim who are battling this disease in some form and prayed for their complete Refuah Shlema Min Hashamayim.   Just as a Choson and Kallah, during the happiest period of their lives, under their Chupah, remember Yerushalayim, so too we, did the same.

On the way to the car, we stopped off at the hospital gift shop and bought two balloons. One to keep and one to let go. As Benny released the balloon in front of the hospital, we said, “goodbye cancer, goodbye  goodbye!”

Over the course of the afternoon and evening we have received magnificent wishes and Brochos. One, was from my aunt’s housekeeper in NY, who prays every evening at her church. After hearing the good news, she immediately, knelt down and said “Hashem listens.”  If a two year old can perform a Kiddush Hashem, imagine our Koach. We feel so fortunate to have seen the beautiful gift of Mankind over these past 16 1/2 months.

While we are hopeful that this is behind us, we must continue to Daven that Binyomin Chaim ben Faigie Sarah remain healthy, without any side effects or Chas Veshalom any reoccurrence. Please Daven that we maintain this good news and that it will only spread to all Cholim in Klal Yisroel.

As I tucked Benny in tonight (in my bed of course), tears of joy streamed down.  Benny looked worried and said, “Hashem, please make Mommy’s boo boo feel better.” I replied, “Hashem did!”

Me K’Amche Yisroel

Good Night, Sleep tight!

Picture of Benny receiving good news!

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Video of : balloontake1

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When we got home, Benny had a big surprise… more balloons. Lots and lots of balloons. Thank you Lyons,  Buchman and Gardner Families. We love you all!

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2 thoughts on “481 Days

  1. Thank you for the wonderful moving story and will iy”H keep Benny on my list that he should iy”H stay well leorech yamim tovim!!
    May you and yours have a k’tiva v’chatima tovah leShana tovah umevorachat!!!
    And may you always shep loads and loads of nachat from him forever!

  2. BS”D
    WOW!!! Not 2 minutes ago did I say the bracha “Asher Yawstar” for the refuah shelaima of Binyomin Chaim Ben Faigie Sarah. 2 minutes later, I am reading the wonderful update from the “Emunah Club” of Benny’s Yeshua! I am thrilled beyond words! It will probably take me a while not to connect that bracha with Benny, but now I can use that moment to contemplate, appreciate and summon sincere gratitude for all of Hashem’s kindness and AWESOME MIRACLES that HE makes for us daily!
    Hashem should continue to keep Benny strong, healthy and well and shower him and his family with every blessing! May Binyomin Chaim always be a source of nachus to his family and Klal Yisroel and may we all merit to greet Moshiach and the final Redemption with total Simcha, IMMEDIATELY!!!

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